The woman I adored more than any living human being on this earth passed away two days ago. Her heart gave out after nearly a century of caring for her husband, four children, eleven grandchildren, and two dozen great grandchildren.
This morning as I sat in my office making travel arrangements for the funeral on Saturday, a male coworker dropped by to offer his condolences. He’s a good man, and I consider him a personal friend. English is not his native language, so he often communicates in a very plain manner which is gloriously lacking in social grace. You never have to wonder what’s on his mind because his limited English skills force him to communicate in a very succinct no-nonsense manner. He’s notorious for delivering the brutal truth in three words or less – a trait which makes him not so popular with the female staff.
As we were discussing travel plans and funeral arrangements, he was curious why the funeral was in one state, but the burial was in another.
Me: “She wants to be buried in the Carolinas next to grandpa.”
Him: “That’s expensive. Yes?”
Me: “Yes, but she made financial arrangements years ago so it’s all taken care of.”
Him: “Why don’t you burn her? I burned my father. Put body in box.”
Me: “We’re honoring her wishes to be laid to rest next to her husband.”
Him: “Good to be respective [respectful].”
We wrapped up the discussion and I didn’t think a thing of it. I knew my coworker’s statements were not intended to be brash or insensitive.
An hour later, a human resources rep came into my office and shut the door.
“Mr. Mentu, we’ve had a complaint about a conversation that took place in your office this morning which we find very disturbing.”
I won’t detail the 45 minute discussion, but long story short, it does not matter if I was offended by my coworker’s statements or not, because two women within earshot were offended. Despite my best efforts to exonerate my coworker, the organization is going to force him to apologize to me and the two offended women. He’s also being formally written up, and will spend two hours a week with a sensitivity training coach outside of work hours.
The pretentious 20-something year old human resources chick said “I understand you were not offended, and yes, it was a private discussion, but two of your coworkers brought this incident to our attention because they were offended on your behalf, and were outraged that you were subjected to this type of language in the office.”
Offended by proxy. How in holy hell did we let things get this out of hand?
Nothing but a c–t powerplay.
It has nothing to do with being offended. It has everything to do with demanding that everyone else march to their tune.
The thing is, their response would be seen by American men as perfectly normal and expected, had it come from a woman, and bizarre had it come from a man. The American man has severely limited different standards of behavior for women, but he is never conscious of them. It’s simply seen as the natural order of things.
Despite supposedly giving women ‘equal rights,’ American men put up with stupid shit like this from them, that they’d never accept from a man. When women were more confined to the home, this was less problematic. But with women occupying every sphere of life in nearly equal measure to men, female-induced bullshit akin to the episode above has increased aggressively.
Sharp blog, BTW.
Agree with Jack. They’re setting his ass up.
That’s just scary.
Women are children. They are nothing but fucking children, without the charm, the hope for the future, the cuteness, or the prospect that, one day, they will grow up.
I worked for three years in a state gov’t office. ALL of the women were like that. Tattle-tales and whiny little cunts. I could have beaten any of them into a coma and then sat down to a grilled Reuben sandwich and a tall Guinness.
Repeal the 19th Amendment, and in 50 years everything self-corrects.
Meddlesome little c–t.
WTF.you can’t be serious that HR came to you like that!!!
Anyway,condolences man.
I can’t even figure out what the offensive language was…
Thanks for the feedback, gentlemen. I’m at the airport in Houston getting ready to fly up to my granny’s funeral. I’ll let you know how this work situation plays out. All I know is that when I left yesterday, the whole thing is brewing into a real shitstorm.
I feel another “get to know your coworkers” day coming on where we all discuss our feelings and have a big group hug. I wish that was a joke…
@Jack: Where’s that article you promised? Get to writing…
That is crazy. People are more motivated by what they think they should be offended by than by what actually evokes offense… Human nature I guess.
Sorry to hear about your loss.
He will be put on a “90 day probationary period” soon.
Why can’t you trump those women with the race card?
I would file a complaint against the two nosy co-workers who completely failed to mind their own business. They’re creating a hostile workplace where people cannot have a discussion without having a complaint filed against them. Use the system to attack those who abuse it.
Agree with Marvin ^^^
Go to “HR” and file a complaint against those 2 evesdropping women who became offended on your behalf for snooping, going to “HR” and creating a hostile work environment for you and your friend who offered condolences.
Flip the coin and hammer them with their own policies.
I’ve been in your coworkers position. Stupid busy bodies.
I cannot agree more with your reaction. I’d sooner fire the two ladies who were offended on your behalf than discipline this gentleman.
Honestly, people need to get a thicker skin. Not being sensitive used to be considered a virtue.
Why work at a company like that? They certainly aren’t going to be around for long, and there’s no way any male can work there. A foreign country without the entitlement drama queens and government protection of said childish behavior will be sure to put your company out of business due to efficiency savings alone.
I agree with the Captain, get the hell out of there.
Basil has a point too…my whole life it’s been “women are the same as men” which is utter shite…I read the convo, I get exactly what he was saying. WTF is there to be offended by in his comments. Perhaps a bit tasteless in how he explained cremation (oh noes…tastelessness, because women NEVER are tasteless). Yet we put up with it from them.
I just checked my email, and I have an apology from him that was copied to HR. I gave him a call, and we’ve started working on a countermeasure involving racism.
Never thought I’d do such a thing, but in this system, you’re either the hammer or you’re the nail.
He’s a medical doctor and is pretty high up on the advisory board, so he’s not going to get fired. This is just a bump in the road for him, and he’s not going to lose funding. The “offended” women just can’t stand this guy making $90 per hour plus quarterly retention bonuses. They mention his salary quite often, which personally offends me (or so I’m going to say).
I’ll push it as far as I can without creating a shitstorm for myself.
Brilliant counter-tactic!
It’s good I am not in your place. If I had been told that someone was “offended on my behalf”, I would have been personally responsible for further offending them. Quite vocally, too.
The kind doctor’s apology to the eaves-droppers should be, “I am sorry I offended you with my words. I am from a foreign land and I am not used to talking to easily offended fools.”
Bitches don’t know about Herodotos.
http://classics.mit.edu/Herodotus/history.3.iii.html
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Here’s an update on the situation: http://universityofman.wordpress.com/2012/02/25/obp2_fight_like_a_girl/
Offended by proxy. How in holy hell did we let things get this out of hand?
When you didn’t stop the psycho dingbats the first time they pulled this crap years ago.
“Mr. Mentu, we’ve had a complaint about a conversation that took place in your office this morning which we find very disturbing.”
Mentu-tell the two nosey bitches to mind their own business and stop eavesdropping on private conversations because that’s an invasion of my privacy.and I demand an apology from them and want a report filed about their conduct. And honey, you’re like an inexperienced 20 something kid with no judgement, do you really believe you can handle an adult job in the personal dept.? Write yourself up too for being a moron.
And you did not immediately retort this?
“I am deeply offended that two coworkers eavesdropped on such a personal conversation. I am also offended that they didn’t have the decency to talk to me directly if they had anything to say about it. And I am further offended that they used it as gossip material instead. And I am very offended and disappointed that you have done nothing about it”.
I used to work in an office with 10-to-1 female/male ratio where I was the regional boss. Learnt lots.
Same thing happened to me, sort of….. but with much less severe consequences. I have a certain coworker — we’ve worked together 14 years, we have PhDs in the same technical subject — who has been the butt of friendly teasing (by many, not just by me) due to his insanely messy and overcluttered cubicle, which for many years resembled the camp of a homeless packrat.
It doesn’t come into the incident at all (as far as I know, at least HR didn’t mention it), but he’s from India (been here a long time, naturalized citizen) and I am a white American. As it happens, we are both Republicans.. but I digress.
Anyway, during some mindless corporate seminar or other, when the subject of cluttter came up, there was an opportune moment for humor, in which I said, “ABC’s cubicle!”, to the amusement of most parties present. Including ABC himself — he thought it was funny. But SOME THIRD PARTY got offended on his behalf, and went to HR, and I got called in and talked to. First time in 14 years I’ve ever gotten in trouble.
Turns out that the proxy-offendee was a NEW employee and had never yet been in the R&D building, and had NEVER SEEN ABC’s cubicle! If she’d been here a while, she’d have understood the reference and laughed with the rest of it.